


play date

by lovestars



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Destiel - Freeform, Destiel Oneshot, Happy Ending, Light Bondage, M/M, Top Castiel/Bottom Dean Winchester, destiel au, destiel smut, fuckboy cas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-24
Updated: 2019-05-24
Packaged: 2020-03-14 15:08:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18950575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovestars/pseuds/lovestars
Summary: in which dean falls for the campus fuckboy.





	play date

**Author's Note:**

> goes w melanie martinez's song play date !!! mainly smut + angst :]

_ you call me on the telephone, you feel so far away _

**cas: wyd**

dean sighed when he saw the text. although his brain was yelling at him to put the phone down, his heart pounded yes and his stomach knotted in warmness. his eyes followed his hands as they reached for his phone.

**you: homework**

**you: wbu**

he took a deep breath as castiel began to type. he glanced over at his textbook, then shut it. he shifted in his bed and laid on his back. he chewed on his lip in anxiousness.

**cas: thinkin abt u**

dean exhaled and smiled. he gripped his phone tighter and bit his lip harder; he had to do something to control his happiness besides squealing. he turned over in his bed so he laid on his stomach and kicked his legs, like a schoolgirl.

god, he missed him.

he missed his cold hands and firm grip. his husky voice and sinful words. his deep blue eyes and seductive gaze. 

his full lips and soft kisses. his caring touch and contagious laugh. his loving arms and warm cuddles.

dean ignored the loud yelling in his head about how he shouldn’t miss anything nonsexual. castiel surely didn’t miss anything like that of dean, he just missed having his skilled lips around his cock. 

nonetheless, dean’s heart ached for him.

_ you tell me to come over, there's some games you want to play _

**cas: come over?**

dean giggled as his fingertips ghosted over the keyboard. his lips were stuck in a permanent smile as he happily typed “yes”. he picked up his textbook and set it on his bedside table and stood up. his phone buzzed again.

**cas: good**

**cas: i wanna try something w u**

dean bit his lip and wiggled. he bounced to his closet and opened it. he smelled his shirt to see if he had to change- he did.

he stripped and looked in his mirror. 3 purple hickeys were on his body- 1 on his neck, collarbone, and under his nipple. all from cas.

he grabbed a shirt- one of castiel’s. he knew it would drive him crazy. it was a simple back shirt with a rose in the corner, and he wore ripped jeans with it. his breath was fine, he didn’t need to shower or wash his hair- he was good.

_ i’m walking to your house, nobody's home _

**you: coming:)**

**cas: already?**

**cas: havent even touched u yet**

dean huffed as he walked out of his house. he ignored his younger brother yelling, “where are you going?!” and stepped down the stairs. castiel lived just a few blocks away, so he usually walked there. 

**you: i didn't mean it like that and u know it**

**cas: do i? ;)**

dean ran his hand through his hair. it was tuesday evening, and honestly? he had a test he wasn’t prepared for tomorrow. that’s why he had been studying before his one weakness texted him.

he walked in silence and in nervousness to his house. he had been there about 5 times, all for the same reason, while dean had never been to his. otherwise, they fucked on campus or at a party. they went to the same college and just happened to live next to each other.

the first night they had met was at a party, and it was the first time they had fucked. it was sweaty and quick and the best either one of them had had- which was saying a lot since castiel was known as the fuckboy junior. he had fucked everyone, boy or girl or nonbinary. however, since castiel and dean had met, he had only fucked him. maybe that was the source of dean’s mindset of being special.

_ just me and you and you and me alone _

dean knocked on the front door. although he had been in this exact position hundreds of times, he was still nervous. he rocked back and forth on his heels as he looked around.

the door opened. dean looked at him, eyes wide and heart in his throat. he swallowed as castiel looked over his body, eyes hungry.

“hi,” dean muttered. everytime he was in front of castiel, he felt small. he felt weak and powerless. he could feel castiel’s eyes dragging over every inch of his skin, tearing into his body and reading every single detail about him.

“hey, de.” his voice grovelled. dean blushed as he stepped aside so he could walk in. he stepped inside the two story house. family pictures lined the walls of the large living room and up the stairs. dean knew nothing about him, besides the fact that he had a huge family. he had looked a few baby pictures of him before, but castiel had dragged his attention back to him and his horniness.

“let’s go in my room.” castiel told him from behind. his hand gripped his waist and pulled him to him. dean looked down at him (he was taller), and nodded.

“anyone else here?” dean asked as he walked up the stairs quickly. he felt castiel slap his ass, and he rolled his eyes. 

“nope. and no one is gonna be here for a long time.”

“how long?” dean asked once he reached the top. castiel pushed him against a wall, hands on his waist. he brushed his nose against his. “long enough.”

“for what?” dean asked. he wasn’t smiling anymore, lips a centimeter apart. he felt castiel’s breath on him as he leaned forward.

“for what i wanna do with you.”

_ we're just playing hide and seek _

_ it's getting hard to breathe under the sheets with you _

“c- cas,” dean breathed out. he wanted to scratch his nails across castiel’s back, but he couldn’t. he wanted to pull on his hair, but he couldn’t. he couldn’t do anything but lay on his bed, hands and legs tied up to the bedposts. he couldn’t move, unless wiggling his hands counted as being able to move.

“shush, dean.” castiel mumbled against his skin. he was slowly kissing up his chest, hands holding below the rope. he looked up at dean, eyes bright and focused. his lips were in a smirk as dean stared at him. fear and arousal was on the green eyed boy’s face.

“castiel, ple-”

“seriously, dean. shut up.” his voice was deeper now. commanding, even. 

it wasn’t new for castiel to take charge during sex. they had never talked about their kinks, as well as acted upon them. the kinkiest they had gone was castiel fucking his face and calling him a slut. 

this, this situation with the ropes was very new.

of course castiel had asked for a safeword, in which dean had muttered, “red,” and laid on the bed in the position he asked of him. the words of “shut up,” were new too.

castiel kissed up to his collarbones and sucked. dean wriggled, but still couldn’t move. he would never say it, but he loved being tied up. he had thought about it before, but it had made him feel claustrophobic. but now, arms and legs bound apart tightly and castiel using him to his content? he loved it. 

“you look so pretty, baby. all tied up for me. i’ve been thinking about this forever.”

“cas, please, please-”

“should i have gotten a gag, too? what part of shut up does my dumb baby not understand?” dean whimpered. he was so hard, painfully hard. his dick was being squeezed in his briefs harshly. castiel was straddling him, his clothed crotch grinding against his.

“you’re so cute.” castiel cooed. he petted his cheek softly, gazing at him. dean would’ve thought that he actually loved him with that look.

“your dick is so hard. i can feel your wetness against me, and i’m still dressed. pretty little dumb slut.” dean kept his mouth shut as a high pitched noise left the back of his throat. castiel glanced up at him and chuckled. he held his chin in his thumb and forefinger, smiling softly.

“so desperate, aren’t you? wanna be filled up?”

dean nodded quickly. castiel laughed and pushed his fingers at his lips, to which he opened obediently. he sucked on 2 of his fingers as if it was castiel’s own cock.

“good baby boy.” castiel told him. his other hand wrapped around his neck and just held him there. fear grew in the pit of his stomach, but the best kind of fear. he trusted him. he trusted him with his hand around his neck and his limbs tied up.

castiel took his fingers out of his mouth; dean whimpered. castiel rolled his eyes.

“i don’t wanna choke you with my fingers in your mouth.” he leaned down and stared at him. “what if it’s too much and you can’t safeword?” he bit his lip, then pecked his lips. happiness and love filled dean’s stomach.

these were the moments that made him fall for him. the ones where he voiced he cared, the ones where he held onto him a little longer than he should after they fuck, the ones where he kissed him when they weren’t about to suck each other’s dick.

“understand?” he asked. dean nodded as he grinned slowly. a sense of security blanketed over him at how much he cared, but maybe dean’s eyes were playing tricks on him.

but then castiel’s hand tightened.

dean’s eyes widened and dug his nails into his wrist. castiel noticed and let go. disappointment flooded through dean.

“too much?”

“n- no, cas, it’s good, feels good.” he breathed out. castiel grinned. “i- i’ll like, snap if it’s too much.”

“you sure? this isn’t too much for the first time?” castiel asked. dean shook his head quickly. like he stated, he trusted him. he loved him. 

but he couldn’t say that to him.

castiel began to choke him again. dean shut his eyes and tried to buck his hips against him, but of course he felt. castiel laughed and gripped harder.

“baby wants to get off?” he teased. dean opened his eyes and looked at him, pleading silently. “do you really wanna come like that? grinding against me like a little slut? i don’t think so.” he stepped off of him and dean took a deep breath. tears slipped from his eyes from the lack of oxygen. 

he watched castiel strip from the bed. his muscles flexed and his skin shined with sweat. he was so turned on; he wanted to cry.

castiel went to the bottom bedposts. he untied the ropes around his ankles. dean wanted to thank him, but the thought of castiel wanting him to shut up stopped him. he bit his lip and looked down at him, trying to hide his excitement. 

castiel crawled onto the bed, now only wearing briefs. he looked down at dean, lips curled up. 

“legs up, de.” he told him. dean obeyed and set his legs in the air so castiel could pull of his underwear. his dick was standing against his stomach, tip red and leaking. castiel laughed.

“so fucking desperate. little slut.” dean’s bones weakened at the name. castiel pulled off his own briefs, which made dean even weaker.

“spread your legs. gotta prep you.”

“no, no, you don’t.” dean rushed out. castiel cocked an eyebrow, smirking. “excited, baby?” dean blushed.

“‘m ready. want you in me, cas, please.”

“not yet.”

“cas!” dean cried out. castiel’s eyes narrowed at him, and dean knew he had made something click. that same feeling of fear was released into his body.

“if i say you’ll be prepped,” he dug his nails into his thighs.

“you’ll get fucking,” his voice was deep and mean as he brought 2 fingers to his lips and spat on them. the way he was looking at him made him feel so small, so powerless to what was going to happen to him. castiel was genuinely pissed off.

“prepped.” he shoved his wet fingers into his ass. dean howled, wrapping his legs around his waist. he kept his knuckle deep fingers inside him, but didn’t move. his eyes stayed on him.

“understand? or are you too much of a dumb baby to?” dean cried and nodded. it burned so bad, but the control over him made him feel so good. he wanted to be good, wanted to take the pain for him. and he would. he would experience the burning sensation inside of him so he could be good for him.

“dean!” he growled. dean cried out and nodded, blubbering out, “yes, yes, cas, yes!” he was crying now. crying from the pain in his ass and how good it felt obeying him.

he put his hands on dean’s cheek and stroked his skin. he looked down at him, eyes soft. “too much?”

“no, cas, fuck, just move, fucking move.” dean groaned. castiel’s eyes hardened again, and he pulled his fingers from him. dean cried out and tried to move his arms. 

“apparently you haven’t fucking learned.” castiel growled. dean whimpered as he looked at him, tears still falling. he felt drool over his chin as well.

castiel grabbed his throat and squeezed. he glared down at him.

“whatever i want to do to you, i’ll do. you’re mine, dean. you’re my dumb slut, and dumb sluts don’t talk back to their owners, do they?”

holy shit, castiel was insane. and dean loved it.

dean nodded quickly. he mouthed an apology that he couldn’t say due to the hand around his neck. more tears and drool slid down his face.

“understand?” he let go and dean inhaled.

“y- yes, yes, i understand, your dumb baby understands. w- won’t do it again, promise.” he cried out. 

it was all so much. the choking, the degrading, the fingering. everything was so much. dean felt like he was going to explode.

“good.” castiel muttered. he grabbed his hips and pulled himself forward, then grabbed his dick. he spit on his hand and ran it over his boner.

dean whined as castiel ghosted his dick over his hole. he rubbed his tip against him and groaned.

“i’d fuck your face, but i just can’t fucking wait that long.” castiel told him. dean whimpered as his hands squeezed his sides.

his eyes widened and his back arched when castiel entered him. he gasped and scratched at the air in a mix in pain and pleasure. tears slipped from his eyes quicker.

“you feel so fucking good, dean, fuck.” castiel breathed out. he was bottomed out now, all 7 inches inside of him. dean huffed out cries while castiel petted his cheek.

“shh, baby, shhh. tell me when i can move.” castiel whispered. he could go from the meanest man to the sweetest with dean, and he loved it. dean bit his lip and looked up at the ceiling. castiel was holding his waist with his free hand, rubbing circles into him softly. he leaned down and began to kiss over his chest.

“‘m good.” dean mumbled after a minute. castiel looked up at him caringly. “you sure?” dean nodded.

he pulled back, then put his hands on his hips and slammed into him. dean cried while castiel let out a guttural groan. he put his head in the crook of his neck, biting him. 

he pulled out again and fucked him, harder now. he fell into a slow rhythm so dean could get used to it.

“cas, fuck, please, please, please,” dean was whispering now. castiel laughed under his breath, “more?”

“yes, yes, yes, please, need more, need to be filled up completely.” dean blubbered. castiel shoved his fingers into his mouth and his other hand around his throat, fucking him faster and deeper. dean felt his eyes watching him, his every facial movement and every twitch in his body. 

“filled up completely like a good slut?” dean nodded at his words. he was so desperate, so needy and wanting. he was completely open to him, open for him to do whatever to him.

then he hit his prostate.

dean yelled around his fingers. castiel laughed cruelly and gripped his neck harder. he kept hitting him in that spot, keeping his hands on him.

dean’s cries became more high pitch, more frequent. he was crying again from how good it felt. castiel looked at him, lips bitten and eyes dark. “gonna come?” he asked. dean nodded desperately and wrapped his hands around the ropes at his wrist. he sucked on castiel’s fingers, waiting for release. 

until castiel moved his hand from his neck and held his cock at the base.

dean screamed while he kept fucking him. pain engulfed his skin and his stomach. it was a tingling pain, one that would last in his mind forever. 

“like i said before, baby. dumb little sluts don’t decide anything- their owners do.” he growled out. dean sobbed around his fingers. 

“you don’t get to come yet. you come when i come.” dean was slobbering now. snot and drool and tears were all over his red face; he knew he didn’t look sexy. but he didn’t care. all he cared about was castiel’s dick inside of him, hitting against his prostate repeatedly. his fingers in his mouth and his fingers holding his dick so he couldn’t come. his mean words and harsh voice.

castiel moaned and tilted his head back. he quickened his thrust. relief flooded dean; he was close.

castiel let go of his cock and pulled his fingers from his lips. he placed both of his hands on his hips and fucked him harder. dean gasped out, crying pathetically as he felt cum shoot inside of him. he came untouched with him, crying out, “castiel, oh my god, oh my god!”

_ i don't want to play no games _

_ i'm tired of always chasing, chasing after you _

castiel pulled out lazily. he was panting, chest rising and falling like dean’s. dean let his head fall to the side as he felt tingles prick him all over his body. his toes were still curling, and his body was still twitching. he watched castiel walk away, eyelids narrowed. “cas,” he said, exhausted.

castiel came back, eyebrows raised. he gasped and nodded, then untied him. dean rubbed his wrists as he walked away again. 

where was he going? was he going to come back?

dean was almost too tired to think. he laid up from the bed and looked outside the door, waiting for him.

but then the shower started.

dean waited for him to come back. to ask him if he wanted to join. to ask how he was feeling. to come clean the cum out of him.

he didn’t.

_ i don't give a fuck about you anyways _

_ whoever said i gave a shit 'bout you? _

_ you never share your toys or communicate _

anger flooded him. dean watched the door, eyes hard and lip bit. he glared and simmered silently. 

he always did this to himself. always wanted something cas would never give him. wanted cuddles and care and love, but he would never get it.

whatever, he didn’t care. he didn’t fucking care. he only saw castiel as a fuck buddy, someone to have fun with. nothing more, nothing less. he didn’t see him as a crush, only as someone to get dick from. he didn’t want to talk about his feelings, because fuck buddies didn’t do that.

they fucked. they didn’t give a shit about each other. that was it.

_ i guess I'm just a play date to you _

dean stood up and grabbed a towel. he wiped himself off, and the shower shut off. his stomach flipped as he slid his briefs on. then his jeans, then his shirt. he grabbed his phone and walked towards the door, but was stopped by castiel- who was wet with only a towel around his waist. 

he cocked an eyebrow and touched his waist. “you leavin’?”

dean swallowed and shrugged.  _ yes. i am. i’m leaving and until you see me more than just a fuck buddy, i’m not coming back. _

“i guess.” he said quietly. castiel pouted and leaned forward, kissing him. “don’t go. stay here for a bit.”

“okay,” dean agreed. a smile spread on his face. 

he couldn’t help it.

even though he was in love with this boy, castiel only saw him as someone to fuck. that was it. dean had to get that through his head- he was nothing more than a fun time.

_ wake up in your bedroom and there's nothing left to say _

_ when i try to talk you're always playing board games _

dean opened his eyes. he furrowed his eyebrows and sat up in the bed. it was dark now, just a lamp in castiel’s room giving light. he rubbed his eyes and looked at the open door. 

it was 9 pm. 4 hours since he had came over. he was wearing nothing but his briefs. 

he had fallen asleep with castiel by his side and was just now waking up. it was late; his brother must be worried.

“hey,” castiel interrupted his thoughts. dean stared at him and smiled softly. he ran a hand through his hair. “hey,”

castiel walked to the chair across the bed and sat, watching him awkwardly. dean sighed. before they had slept, they had talked. and cuddled. dean had felt extremely uncomfortable, yet the most comfortable with him. they had kissed, not like they were horny, but like they were together.

and now, it was after. 

“cas-”

“it’s late. you should go.” his voice was hard. dean stopped and stared at him, but stood up. castiel was staring at the floor.

“okay.” he felt embarrassed. humiliated as he dressed himself. he felt castiel’s eyes on him. 

of course.

of course castiel would tell him to leave when he tries to talk about something serious. something castiel doesn’t want. something dean wanted.

“bye, dean.” castiel said softly. dean ignored him and walked down the stairs. he squinted his eyes and pursed his lips to stop his crying, but it was useless.

he slammed the door on his way out.

_ i wish i had monopoly over your mind _

_ i wish i didn't care all the time _

“fuck!” dean yelled. he was in his room, pacing. his mother was out with friends, his father was out with work, and his brother was asleep. it was just him, in his room, with a broken heart.

he pulled at his hair and sobbed in anger. he was so stupid. a dumbass. the dumbest boy alive. 

he wanted to stop. he wanted to stop caring, to stop going back to him, to stop thinking about him. he had to, or else castiel would ruin him.

_ we're just playing hide and seek _

_ it's getting hard to breathe under the sheets with you _

dean couldn’t stop thinking about him. about his touch and his kiss and his words. he was in the shower now, still letting out little cries. he saw the bruises on his ankles and wrists now, not to mention the ones on his hips and thighs. there were marks on his neck too.

he hated it.

he hated having the marks on him. marks from castiel- the man he hated most right now. he couldn’t get rid of them, or him, even the thought of him.

he could never stop thinking of him. 

what was worse was the fact that he wouldn’t stop going back to him either. 

_ i don't want to play no games _

_ i'm tired of always chasing, chasing after you _

dean wanted to text him. 

he was in bed. it was 11. his phone was taunting him, sitting on his bedside table. he was hoping it would buzz any second, but he knew deep down it wouldn’t.

he was always texting first.

unless it was about sex. castiel won the award for that.

now, dean was so tired. so tired of talking to him first. so tired of trying to talk to him and getting no response. 

so tired to the point that dean didn’t care anymore.

_ i don't give a fuck about you anyways _

_ whoever said i gave a shit 'bout you? _

_ you never share your toys or communicate _

**cas: dean**

dean glanced at the table from the vibration. excitement entered him and he shot up. he saw castiel still typing.

**cas: i had fun today**

**cas: hope we can do that more often**

dean felt his chest tighten. he slammed his phone down and bit his lip, then laid on his back. 

they would never talk about it. about how castiel held onto him when they slept. about how castiel loved to kiss him goodbye. about how castiel had invited him over to just hang out a few times (which dean had declined). 

sobs wracked his body. he cried into the pillow for the nth time that day, then fell into slumber.

_ i guess I'm just a play date to you _

“dean!” dean turned around. his shoulders slumped and he felt tears prick his eyes as castiel ran up to him. girls watched him, eyes wide with attraction. dean gulped when he grabbed his shoulder and smiled.

“hey. you haven’t been answering my texts.”

“i know. i did that for a reason.” dean groveled. castiel blinked and let go of him. he cocked his head to the side and scoffed. “are you- are you-”

“just leave me alone.” dean’s voice broke as he turned away.

it was wednesday. it had been a week since they had spoken, a week since they had seen each other. dean was doing awful. his hair was a mess and his eyebags were dark.

“dean, hey, talk to me.”

“why?” dean turned around and snarled. castiel stepped back with wide eyes. “you’ll just leave me again like last time.”

castiel sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. “c’mon, let’s talk somewhere.” he looked at him with pleading eyes.

dean sighed. 

he could never say no.

_ ring around the rosy _

_ i never know, i never know what you need _

_ ring around the rosy, i want to give you, want to give you _

_ what you need _

“what’s wrong?” castiel asked softly. they were in a bathroom now- he had locked it so no one would walk in. if someone saw castiel and his current fuck buddy fighting, the campus would blow up.

dean sighed shakily. he looked at castiel, eyes sad. he saw an expression he had never seen before flash across his face.

hurt.

“i… we need to stop.” he told him, voice weak. castiel furrowed his eyebrows and stepped forward. dean stepped back.

“what- what do you mean?”

“we need to stop, cas! we have to. i- i can’t,” he took a deep breath and looked away. he looked back at him. “i can’t do this anymore.”

“do what? what are you saying, dean?” castiel looked heartbroken. maybe this was just a show he was putting on so dean would keep sucking his dick. he knew it wasn’t because he liked him as a person.

“i just… i don’t know what you want, cas. and it’s ruining me.” he laughed, tears falling. he ran his hand through his hair.

“we fuck. you act like that’s all you want, but when i act like that’s all i want too, you change. you ask me to stay over, you cuddle with me, you kiss me goodbye.” he swallowed and looked at him. he felt like he was floating and could fall any moment.

“and when i try to talk- you change again! i try to match up with what you want, and you switch! it’s- it’s exhausting, cas!” he was crying now. his voice was raw and angry. castiel just watched him silently.

“all i care about is you, cas. that’s it! you want to fuck, i’ll fuck. you want to cuddle, i’ll cuddle. i want to give you everything, but i can’t when you keep changing your fucking mind and make me look stupid for it!” he screamed. he was shaking. terrified. angry. miserable.

castiel watched him.

“i’m… i’m sorry, dean.”

_ i don't give a fuck about you anyways _

_ whoever said i gave a shit 'bout you? _

_ you never share your toys or communicate _

“fuck you.” dean breathed out. of course castiel wouldn’t feel about him the way he did. 

castiel walked towards him and grabbed him, pulling him to his chest. dean began to hit him, punch his back with all of the anger and sadness he had.

“get off of me! fuck you! get off!”

he brought his knee up and kneed him in the crotch. castiel groaned while his knees buckled. dean pulled away and glared down at him, heartbroken and humiliated.

“i don’t fucking care. i don’t care anymore. you’re exhausting. this,” he motioned between them. “is exhausting. and i can’t do it anymore.” he swallowed a sob.

“i tried to talk to you about it, but you just- you just ignored me. you changed the subject. and i’m done. i’m done with you.”

_ i guess I'm just a play date to you _

dean started to walk away. he felt his heart crumbling, his body breaking. he heard nothing but his muffled heartbeat in his ears.

“dean, wait.” dean stopped. everything in his body was telling him to leave. to not stop, to walk out of the bathroom and go to class. to delete his contact and ignore him for the rest of his life.

but his legs had other plans.

he spun around and saw castiel crying. his body relaxed. he’d never seen him cry before.

castiel swallowed and walked towards him. dean wanted to run away, but run into him. he felt so uncomfortable with how close he was, but he wanted to hug him. he wanted to be held and kissed, but act like he didn’t exist.

castiel hugged him. he wrapped his arms around his waist and hugged him tightly. dean shakily put his arm around his neck and squeezed him, sobbing into the crook of his neck. he felt castiel putting his body and heart back together with his arms, but he knew he would rip it apart soon.

“i’m… i’m nothing but a fuck buddy, cas. that’s all i am to you.” he pulled away and stared at him.

“you don’t care about me the way i do you. you just- you just want to fuck.” he breathed out. castiel watched him, eyes sad.

_ you know i give a fuck about you everyday _

_ guess it's time that i tell you the truth _

_ if i share my toys, will you let me stay? _

“i… i care about you so much, cas. everything i do, you’re in my head.” dean sniffled. he felt so embarrassed, pouring his heart out like this. telling a boy all of his emotions who wouldn’t even care. castiel would hear him, then leave and never look back.

“i care about you too, dean.”

“no, cas!” dean yelled. he pushed him away so they were a about a yard away. he looked at him sadly. he was going to tell him. he was going to tell him the truth. maybe it would give him some kind of closure, some kind of hope for the future.

“i… i love you, cas.”

_ don't want to leave this play date with you _

castiel looked at him with wide eyes. dean was waiting for him to say something, waiting for him to respond. after 15 seconds of just staring at each other, dean couldn’t handle it anymore.

he strived towards him and shoved his shoulders. castiel flinched and fell into the wall. dean continued to punch his shoulders, crying hard.

“can’t you not ignore my feelings once? once in our whole fuck buddy relationship- please, cas! fucking say something!” he stopped and sniffed. he swallowed as he looked at castiel, who was staring at him.

he walked closer, which made dean fight him again. castiel held him strongly so he couldn’t get out of his arms, no matter how hard he thrashed. he held him until he stopped and was heaving into his chest again. castiel rubbed his back soothingly.

“god!” dean laughed. castiel let him go. dean wiped his face and shook his head in unbelief. “god, what the fuck is wrong with me?” he asked. he looked at castiel and messed with his hair. realization creeped onto his face.

“i’m sorry, cas, i- i didn’t mean it.” dean couldn’t lose him. he couldn’t. castiel was the one thing that made him feel good, feel happy. even if he was made him feel the worst, he made him feel the best too. if he pushed him away because of a dumb mistake, the best feeling he’d ever felt would leave. no one he had ever been with made him feel like this.

“please don’t leave me- i’m sorry.” dean sniffed. castiel watched sadly.

“don’t lie.” was all the blue eyed man said. dean felt himself crumple. he was a heap on the floor, sobbing. he felt castiel wrap around his body- it gave him security.

“you don’t have to lie with me, dean.” he told him. in his chest, dean could only mumble, “please don’t leave me, please don’t.”

castiel pulled away and set their foreheads together. dean knew he looked disgusting. he had snot and tears all over his face. the fact that he had given up on his skincare routine in the last week didn’t help either. but castiel still stared at him with the warmest look in his eyes.

“i won’t leave you.” dean rubbed his nose.

“yes, you will. you don’t want a boyfriend, and now you know that i… how i feel.” dean whispered. castiel cupped his face and kissed his lips. dread dissolved from dean’s stomach into ecstasy.

“now that i know how you feel…” castiel shrugged and smiled. he had a few tears on his face as well. he brushed hair from his face and kissed his nose.

“i’m pretty sure i want a boyfriend by the name of dean winchester.”


End file.
